AgroKrag Graphic Design/Illustration, Web Design, Web Marketing

The Capitol Hills: Featuring Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain and guest starring George W. Bush as Elroy

No matter who wins, we lose.

How can anyone in the civilized world still think that we really have any say in the power structure. You really think that those in control of society would leave us to decide independently who will become their boss? I highly doubt it.

Instead we get the charade, performed by a colorful cast of polarizing figures meant to move us into one camp or the other. The false drama of these campaigns has never shown through more clearly than this time around. Players agenda’s are thinly veiled attempts to rile up the masses and draw adoration and support. Oh and most importantly cash. These players put on one hell of a show, but the boom stick is showing on the top of the screen this year. We can see the strings that run from puppet to marketing team. We are being sold leaders the same way we are sold happy meals.

When you really break down these candidates and their plans, what are the differences? Aside from “personal agendas” they are cut from the same cloth. They are people who enjoy the thrill of a cheering crowd, the limelight, the attention. They are rockstars with a talent for speech…well some of them. So do you really think that these folks hate each other as much as they let on? Or do they kick back with a beer and cigar every night and text each other back and forth about how much fun they are having?

Jesse Ventura, an ex Governor himself made the comparison, politics are like pro-wrestling; enemies in the ring, best friends in the locker room.

It’s all drama, scripted and intriguing, only they don’t admit it’s fake. Just like your girlfriend won’t admit to herself that Lauren and Heidi have coffee and cigarettes in between takes.

Enjoy the next episode of The Capitol Hills.

The Sarah Palin Craze. When will it die down? Who knows. All we know is that she won’t go away and the media loves her. A+ for the McCain marketing team. I can just imagine how the pitch went…

“So we need a candidate, Romney is a tool and no one outside of the Later Day Saints can stand the guy, we need someone who will shake things up…how about we grab this obscure little hotty from Alaska?

Who is she?

Well she has nice legs, there is a laundry list of reasons why we shouldn’t nominate her, and she has a pregnant teenage daughter.

That sounds terrible.

At first yes, but picture this; we nominate her, she gets up on stage and men around the country are like, shit I’d hit that, then women will be like, well no Hillary – fuck it she’s got my vote. Then the media will spend the next 2 months scrambling around trying to figure out who the hell she is. Upon doing so they will find out that: She is on video admitting she has not clue what a VP does, she hunts A LOT, her daughter still has the baby fat from the retarded baby she gave birth to a couple months ago…and get this Sarah took the rap for the daughter and said it was hers!!! What a saint! She also has a controversy over trying to fire a State Trooper who divorced her sister. THEN she is in trouble for trying to force the local librarian to ban a bunch of books. Plus whenever she knows she is wrong in an interview she will stare the interview-er in the eyes and call them by name before lying. So not only will she have her name all over the mainstream media her under the table awfulness will be devoured by the more intellectual conspiracy crowd on the internet.

Do you really think all of this will fly?

Who cares what happens to her image? Honestly she is a total unknown and there is very little proof one way or the other on her. This is no different than brand recognition, everyone knows McDonalds is terrible for you but people are drawn to it because they know it. The controversy will make Palin’s rimmed glasses into the Golden Arches of Politics. Young boys will put posters of her on their walls, girls will idolize her, and every country in the world will fear us.

Why would they fear us?

Because she will be able to talk down any super power by batting her eye lashes, then slit their throats in the night. No one fucks with her, ever.

I’m really not sure about this.

It’s a risk yes, but what’s the worst thing that could happen? The wrinkly old fuck doesn’t get in and the world is a better place, we’re just hired to play Devil’s Advocate. Someone’s gotta give McCain a fighting chance, and I think this little pitbull bitch can do it.

Pitbull….pitbull I like that. Can we use it?

Hmmm, well my Mom used to have this saying about her friends when they brought us to hockey practice, What’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom? Lipstick.

Brilliant! I’m sold! Wow the Democrats are so fucked.

Yes sir, I know sir.”

We are infatuated with her, so charismatic, so controversial, such a media whore. Well done McCain campaign using the same tactics normally reserved for Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood you have convinced the general public to vote for the VPILF next door.

Have anything to add? We would love to see this conversation taken to the message boards. Rock out with this, no holds barred!!!

As most of the civilized world learned last weekend Alaskan Governer Sarah Palin was named Republican GOP candidate John McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate.  It was something of a shock a number of us since we had no clue who she was.  Then she got up on that podium and our collective eyes lit up… Now I am a Democrat (though sometimes I wonder why) but I’m not above offering a job well done round of applause to our geriatric friend McCain.  Before I found out that she stands against most everything I believe in I was captivated.  Instantly I had a crush on a 44 year old house wife running for VP.

So how will her looks effect the votes of the commonwealth?  Who knows, but if American’s have a single shred of diginity they wont base the future of the country on how hot the VP will be.  All I know is that its nice to see someone on TV 24/7 who is easy on the eyes.

Now you are wondering what the hell this article is doing on AgroKrag, rightfully so.  I had some spare time this past weekend and had the urge to write my first tutorial on a Photoshop technique so here goes.

She loves guns, babies, and America.  The illustration is scanned into the computer and modified in Photoshop.  If you have a scanner like mine you will need to hit ctr+L to bring up the levels menu, now build enough contrast so that the outlines are defined.

Nice little sketch of Mrs. Palin eh?

The process of creating a full color illustration in Photoshop can be either super complicated or very simple.  Depending on the application of the graphic you may need tidy lines and perfect colors.  Here the goal is to take a sketch and color it in while still looking like a sketch.

Once the contrast is set create a new layer and place is below the sketch layer.  Now go to the sketch layer and turn the layer option to Multiply.

Go to the newly created layer and begin coloring the sketch as though it were a coloring book.  The color show appear underneath the dark sketch lines. When you are done it should look dishearteningly ugly.

Note that I have gone through the original sketch layer and used the Smooth tool to get rid of the unsightly grain from the graphite in some places.

Now comes the part that everyone hates. Detailing.  Well I hate it anyways.

There are two approaches to this. One, hand paint the new lines with a paintbrush. Two, use the pen tool to carefully created shaded regions.  In this instance I chose freehand.

Now all that remains is the final highlights and we are done…seems simple enough right?  For the highlighted areas simply take the Brush tool and choose 0% hardness and a pure white, then hit all the spots you want to see light up.  From here you can do anything you want to the rest of the image, sepia tone her who cares, it’s all gravy from this point.

The word tutorial may be a bit condescending here, since most any artist in the field knows these basics.  This is more like showing your work on an equation.

Mmmm finished product.  Feel free to share this image with the world, hopefully everyone will enjoy it, even the lovely Mrs. Sarah Palin.

-Jesse